


i can't wait for you at the train today

by queb



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Existentialism, Experimental Style, Fluff, M/M, Short Chapters, Snapshots, Some Humor, Writing Exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queb/pseuds/queb
Summary: “  it's cold outside.i left your keys by the stove, i would have given them to you, but when i woke up this morning, you weren't there.i think you had something to tell me,but i'm sorry,i can't wait for you at the train today. ”





	1. traintracks

One time, he ripped his friend's lip with his braces. 

They yanked away from each other, the two of them wiping the blood from their mouth. The shorter one laughed and laughed, while the taller one scowled and mumbled away. They agreed to save kissing for later. Even if it would be a painful wait. 

Every time someone brought up the busted lip his entire face would go red from the top of his ears down to his neck and shoulders. Even after years have passed, he'd bring it up, whenever the other got too close. 

"Hey, back up, I might wreck your mouth again." The freckled boy pushed back at the other's chest, going back to his book. 

"Yamaguchi," He pressed forward again, "You don't even have braces anymore." 

Yamaguchi just hummed long and low. He didn't look up from what he was reading and turned slightly in the other direction. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and faced away from him to the wall. After a long stretch of nothing, he remarked, 

"Train-tracks teeth." 

Yamaguchi looked up with his eyebrows furrowed and his nose scrunched. 

"Four-eyes." 

Tsukishima took off his glasses and transferred them onto Yamaguchi. 

"Mm, six-eyes, you contact-wearing cheater." 

Yamaguchi smiled at this and pulled at Tsukishima's hair until their mouths touched. They stared into each other's eyes until the corners of Yamaguchi's mouth quirked mischievously. "Is your mouth bleeding?" 

Tsukishima snatched his glasses away and vacated to the other side of the couch with his face steaming in embarrassment. Yamaguchi cackled when he sat up straighter. "Tsukki, you look like those red hot candies. Yeah, I could go for some of those right now" 

Still embarrassed, Tsukishima replied, "You could have me then," 

"No way. You're probably bland. Saltine cracker lookin' ass." 

Tsukishima snorted and covered his mouth with the back of his hand, "Looks can be deceiving. You should give me a try." 

"Gosh Tsukki, It's like you learned to flirt through wiki-how." Yamaguchi laughed, while mimicking Tsukishima's action by covering his own face with the insides of his elbows. Tsukishima tugged at the other's arms and gave him a peck on the nose in a fruitless attempt to avert the topic to something else. 

When Yamaguchi smiled, his nose would scrunch up and fan out towards his closed eyes. When Yamaguchi smiled, you could just barely make out a dimple on his right cheek. When Yamaguchi smiled, you could see how one of his canine teeth would sit a little higher in his mouth and point outwards. 

It was no different this time. Tsukishima thought it was funny how that one little canine was crooked after three and a half years of being a metal mouth, just because Yamaguchi was too stubborn to wear his retainer.


	2. resurface

"Kei, wake up, wake up please," Tsukishima turned away from Yamaguchi, pulling the covers to make his point, "ah, thank you for waking up." Yamaguchi snaked his arms around Tsukishima's middle. He bluntly sunk his teeth into the blonde's back, as to not hurt him but to simply get his attention. 

"You're touchy." 

"Mhm. I sure am." Yamaguchi was offended by how smooth Tsukishima's voice was that late at night, and how his own voice was rough and grainy, but he pushed back the thought when it occurred to him that Tsukishima probably didn't get to sleep in the first place. 

"What is it." 

Tsukishima made no move to turn around, but concern was laced behind the intonation of his voice. Yamaguchi loosened his grip and shrunk into himself. "I had a nightmare. You must now cater to my every whim, you must obey me, for I am in shambles." 

Tsukishima huffed a laugh and finally, finally turned around. He rested his head on his hand, and his elbow on his pillow. "Okay, Yamaguchi." 

"Ah, Tsukki, shit I didn't think this far, I had no idea you'd be willing to cater to my every whim, I didn't know you were going to obey me—" 

"I'm about to not cater to your dumb whims if you don't get on with it already." Yamaguchi concluded that Tsukishima hadn't gotten to sleep, but not because of his attitude, but because of the splotches in his face. 

"Wow, it's like I'm just a sim to you." 

"What the fuck, you poser, fucking playing the Sims 4, Sims 4 sucks, Sims 2 is the best." 

"Sims 2 is shit." 

"Sims 2 is _the_ shit." 

"I can't believe you, I'm angry about this." Yamaguchi said, but he was smiling way too wide. 

"Yeah, I'd be angry too if I was wrong." Tsukishima smirked with his eyebrows drawn up. It became quiet, besides the sound of the radiator, besides the rain, besides the wind. 

It was never quiet. 

"Tsukki, it wasn't a nightmare," Yamaguchi tried to continue and elaborate, but his mouth just hung open. He resorted to staring at Tsukishima's collarbone. 

"Did you just want to talk to me?" Tsukishima brushed his knuckles against Yamaguchi's, then took his hand. 

After a bit of contemplation, he responded, "Of course." 

Tsukishima rubbed his thumb against the back of Yamaguchi's hand, soon allowing himself to flutter his eyes closed. Yamaguchi watched as Tsukishima drifted to sleep, the circles rubbed on his hand slow to a stop, and he is alone again. Tears slide out of his eyes, dripping by his nose and falling onto the pillow in which he occupies. When he moves to rub the droplets from his lashes, Tsukishima stirs. 

Yamaguchi loved Tsukishima. He loved that the other didn't freak out over some tears and cause him to cry more. Tsukishima rid Yamaguchi's tears for him with a swipe of his thumb. His pale hand traveled to the nape of Yamaguchi's neck, then made a move to pull at his dark hair. 

"What if—" 

Yamaguchi swallowed 

"What if when we graduate and go to college, it will be the same thing as everything else? What if when we get our degrees and get jobs, it will be the same?" Yamaguchi's nose scrunched as he continued, 

"What if I wake up everyday and do the same things over and over?" 

Tsukishima doesn't fear routine so he couldn't understand Yamaguchi's fear. Tsukishima removed the extra tears. "Was that your nightmare?" 

Yamaguchi flinched when Tsukishima's cold hand came into contact with the hip-bone previously hidden by his shirt. "I don't remember." 

"Alright." Tsukishima pinched him. "I think it was. Does it bother you often?" 

"Yes." 

"I'm sorry." 

Yamaguchi softened. "Tsukki, I feel like I'm drowning." Tsukishima pinched him again, harder this time. He withdrew his hand and put some distance between the two of them. 

"I know you feel bad. I'm sorry I can't relate to the problems you're having or whatever. I'm not saying that your fear is irrational or stupid, but I'm saying your fear is irrational and stupid. Do you know why?" 

Yamaguchi stares at the other through his eyelashes, waiting expectantly for an answer. 

"As long as I am here, you shouldn't worry about being in a routine. I'll make sure that you're surprised everyday, so if I ever seem distant, smack me." 

The two spent no time and flipped to the other side of the bed. Yamaguchi was in a haze of heat and confusion, but he felt satisfied. When he closed his eyes he felt that he would be asleep within the next minute, and when Tsukishima started up again, he was only half listening. 

"Everyone will resurface. It could be because they suffocated or because they learned to swim. Please learn to swim for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no shade towards people who like the sims 4 or 2. im a sims 2 fan myself though


	3. commercials

Yamaguchi's parents didn't attend his high school graduation, but he knew that they didn't have time, being in another country and all. It actually didn't bother him, because it meant that he could spend the night at Tsukishima's. It wasn't like his parents being there would restrict him from going, but the excuse just seemed to make it better. 

Yamaguchi was called over by Tsukishima's parents for a picture. Tsukishima's mother was bawling and it seemed that Tsukishima's father was holding back some tears from himself, too. Yamaguchi stood next to Tsukishima as the picture was taken. 

He was sure he had his eyes closed. 

Tsukishima's parents drove them home, and then immediately went to bed. Yamaguchi assumed that it was just old people problems. Tsukishima led him to the den where they sat and decided to watch television for a while. They couldn't agree on anything to watch, so they watched some stupid paranormal shit on Animal Planet. 

Yamaguchi was about to fall asleep when he saw a McDonalds ad that made him realize he didn’t eat dinner. His eyes averted to see if Tsukishima was dozing off, and he wasn't, so he tried. 

"Tsukki, let's go there." 

"Where? To McDonalds?" The blonde was uncomfortable, but he didn't move as to not change Yamaguchi's position. 

"Mhm." 

Tsukishima looked in the direction of the clock, but Yamaguchi did not follow because it would require him to move his head. "It's late." 

"Doesn't it make you want to go more?" Yamaguchi lifted his head so that it was facing Tsukishima. 

"Not really." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yes." Tsukishima punctuated with a readjustment of his glasses. Yamaguchi rolled his eyes and returned his head to the spot on his friend's shoulder with a small smile. 

"That's okay. I guess you're right, it is a little too late." Yamaguchi laughed with a close of his eyes and waited for the inevitable. 

"Okay." Tsukishima droned. "You're actually right. I do want to go. Because of how late it is." 

The two of them walked to the train station together. When they were a little closer, Yamaguchi teased Tsukishima about something on his face but the catch was there wasn't anything on his face. Yamaguchi just wanted to pinch the other's cheeks. Tsukishima then chased him all the way to the station. 

They were just in time for the midnight train, and they stepped on quick. It was odd to see the train so empty, with only a few people sitting in the seats. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sat next to each other, both smiling bright despite the dark circles under their eyes. Their speech was rough as they spoke to the other, transitioning from thought to thought. 

"Yamaguchi, Yamaguchi, look at that guy over there." Tsukishima said as he looked past Yamaguchi. When the freckled boy moved his head to the other direction, he was stopped, "No, don't actually." 

With a sigh, Yamaguchi directed his attention back to the blonde. "What—" 

"Yamaguchi, look!" Tsukishima whisper yelled. Yamaguchi whipped his head around, and was reprimanded by a sharp tug of his arm. "What are you doing?!" 

"I'm doing what you said! What do you want me to do?" 

"God, you're so stupid, have you never gossiped with anyone before? You're supposed to look, but you're not supposed to _look._ " Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows and slowly looked at the guy in question. 

"Okay. Fine, Tsukki, I did it discreetly are you happy?" 

"I can't believe this is the first time we have encountered this situation. This is honestly a dilemma, I'm in awe that you had no idea of this unwritten rule of society," He just kept talking, "Have you never been in the position where you have shit-talked someone? Like, you must be a kick at parties, fucking looking at every whore—" 

"Ha-ha, okay, I got it. Yamaguchi is a social ignoramus. So what's so special about the guy?" 

Tsukishima waved his hands in dismissal and spoke a little louder than his former aggressive whisper, "After playing up how ignorant you are, what I was going to say isn't even funny anymore." 

"Tsukki, tell me!" Yamaguchi whined. 

"No, I'm serious. It was something for shits and giggles and it kind of got derailed when you snapped your neck trying to get a look at him." Yamaguchi huffed a laugh and scratched his cheek. 

"But it must have been important," 

"Nothing compared to thing you just did that I'm going to tell everyone about." 

Yamaguchi snorted and leaned back, "Shit's going to be the best dinner icebreaker." 

Tsukishima laughed, his eyes fluttered closed, and his body straightened. He looked like an angel, and Yamaguchi was so mesmerized that he didn't even hear what Tsukishima said next. 

When they got there, Tsukishima ordered a triple quarter pounder. This frightened Yamaguchi. He didn't even know that McDonalds had triple quarter pounders. 

They sat in one of the booths closest to the door and ate their food in silence, mainly because they were both starved and too busy stuffing their faces. Tsukishima finished first, Yamaguchi didn't like to think about what a monster he was when it came to food. Tsukishima scrolled through his phone while Yamaguchi finished the rest of his food, and he smiled. 

Tsukishima showed Yamaguchi this cool advertisement for a coffee place. When asked if Tsukishima wanted to go, he blushed and shook his head. Yamaguchi brought up maps on his phone to see if there was one nearby. They walked to the coffee shop despite Tsukishima's protests. 

They both knew he wanted to go. 

They got in, and Yamaguchi was yet again surprised by Tsukishima's order. This time, they sat at a table near the back of the store. "Hey Tsukki, can I try some of yours?" Tsukishima nodded and handed him his cup. It was some sickeningly sweet strawberry smoothie, and it was also way too cold outside to be drinking something like that. 

"You don't like it?" Tsukishima asks as he takes back the cup. Yamaguchi makes a disgusted face and then smiles because of how stupid it feels. 

"You have the sweet tooth of a four year old but the appetite of a teenager." 

"You know me." Tsukishima says sarcastically. The two of them loitered there for a while until they got out and looked at some more stores. They were just window shopping at the few places that were open that late, which was more than a little annoying to the employees of said stores. They passed by a jeweler, and Tsukishima tensed. Maybe if they walked by fast enough, Yamaguchi wouldn't have to see it, and Tsukishima wouldn't have to hear it. 

"Oh my god," Yamaguchi cackles and holds onto Tsukishima's arm, "every kiss begins with Kei." 

"I wish you were dead." 

Yamaguchi snorted and hiccupped and squeaked. He just thought it was so funny. 

But Tsukishima was looking at the other advertisements and commercials. Nothing he bought could be expensive enough or perfect enough to convey what he feels about Yamaguchi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters seem to be getting longer, but the next one is short, i promise. i kind of based this off of this one time where me and my friends finished exams and walked all the way from our school to dunkin donuts and mcdonalds. it was a really fun day


	4. ribs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not fond of putting my notes before a chapter, but there is some talk of vomiting and not eating. there's also some vague hate sex in here. um also i'm so sorry for posting the last chapter twice yesterday!! i saw an error immediately when i posted it, so instead of editing the chapter i just posted the same thing again? thanks to the person who commented and brought it to my attention, haha.

When the days are rough and they haven't eaten and their skin is white and pasty, they want to say they have each other. They want to say that they can kiss each other, that they can just fuck until they forget, but when it gets bad, they don't even want to be around each other. 

When the freckled boy with dark brown hair is stressed, he works and works until his headache causes him to see spots in his vision. He doesn't sleep. His eyes water until tears with no meaning spill over. He types papers until his joints are sore beyond hell, he reads until the words don't register. Food isn't something that he even thinks about when he's trapped in his cage. 

When the bespectacled blonde is stressed, he shuts down and eats. He eats until he vomits and the he'll go out and drink and party. He has been found countless times lying half naked on the floor of somebody else's bathroom. He sleeps for hours on end, and wouldn't be able to make his classes if it wasn't for his friend. 

The two were totally opposite. 

When times were rough, communicating was like trying to walk on a mine field. They had to be clear, articulated, and calculated as to not send the other into a blinding rage. There were days when they didn't even talk, afraid of the outbursts. It got to a point where they were tiptoeing around every syllable, where their tongues were paralyzed in their dry mouths. 

"Tadashi." 

_Mistake._ That was a mistake, he shouldn't have said that. Any other time, Yamaguchi would stare at his laptop and ask what he wanted, but that's not what he did this time. Yamaguchi turned around, his face ghostly and angry. 

" _What._ " Tsukishima winced and his anger started to fester low and hot in his chest. He couldn't yell this time. He didn't want to yell this time. 

"I didn't think this would happen to us." 

Yamaguchi stood. Tsukishima impulsively stepped back, which was another wrong move, because he was then slammed against the wall. Yamaguchi's lips crashed onto his own, his chapped lips and bad breath giving him a surprise. It wouldn't have been an unpleasant experience had they not been hot with anger. 

They had sex on the futon on the floor. Afterwards, Tsukishima felt like sleep, but he always did. Yamaguchi was fidgety and sweaty and gross as he sat slouched next to Tsukishima. The blonde panicked when Yamaguchi made a move to leave, so he yanked his arm back. Tsukishima wondered how brittle Yamaguchi's bones would be if the skin was scratched away. 

"Fuck— what are you doing, sleep." His motivations were selfish. Yamaguchi dropped down with his back facing his friend. Tsukishima was fell asleep with the fear that Yamaguchi wouldn't be there when he awoke. 

His fears were irrational, because when Tsukishima forced open his eyes and looked to the side, he saw Yamaguchi laying on his back. The bags under his eyes was a noticeable contrast to the paleness of his face. Tsukishima could see his ribs through his skin and if he reached out, he could touch them. He did so, and Yamaguchi gave him a look of fury, but Tsukishima knew that he wouldn't act on it at this moment. 

"How long has it been since you've brushed your teeth?" 

Yamaguchi scowled and went to where Tsukishima assumed was the bathroom. That's when it hit him. He felt dirty. 

He stood up and stumbled frantically to the bathroom where Yamaguchi was brushing his teeth. "Did we have hate sex?" 

Yamaguchi avoided looking at him and furrowed his brows, "No. Unless you hate me." 

"Friends with benefits sex?" 

" _Tsukki._ " 

Tsukishima slouched over and watched helplessly as Yamaguchi spit the foam out of his mouth. His heart dropped as Yamaguchi walked past him and back to his laptop where he would resume whatever he was working on. Tsukishima stood in the doorway and watched, wanting to reach out, but nothing would have worked. He didn't want to have to say it. He was saving it for a more special day, or at last a good day, and he was certainly saving it for a time when he didn't feel and look like shit. 

"I love you." 

Yamaguchi's shoulders visibly tensed. Tsukishima saw on the clock that it was late and dark outside, also not his ideal confession. 

"I've waited _so_ long. You're so late. All these years and you tell me now." Yamaguchi wasn't angry, or at least he didn't sound like it. 

"I didn't know I had to. I thought you knew." Tsukishima was smiling now, leaning on the doorframe. 

"Oh God, did I know." When Yamaguchi turned he had that angel smile that Tsukishima is so fond of. 

It didn't fix them. Tsukishima knew that a few words wouldn't stop Yamaguchi from overexerting himself, and an 'I love you' sure as heck wasn't going to solve Tsukishima's drinking problem, but it was enough. Day by day, Tsukishima would see Yamaguchi's ribs disappear into his skin and allow him to be healthy again.


	5. hot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not very pc and i try to be because it's the right thing to do? but there's a joke in there that could be a bit insensitive. and like, i know that people who are like me will wonder why i even put it in there if i have the knowledge that it could be possibly offensive or whatever, and i get it, but i just wanted to leave it in i'm sorry

Yamaguchi was a psych major. It puzzled Tsukishima, because never once before college had Yamaguchi expressed interest in the human mind. To be honest, Yamaguchi had never quite expressed interest in anything besides volleyball. 

He had to choose something. If you told teenage Tsukishima that he would be studying to become a physics professor, he'd call you a liar. He liked it though, he knew that he would end up being the professor to cause fear and stress. 

"Hey, Tsukki, can you make coffee?" 

"Nah, you do it." Tsukishima smirked to himself when he heard the taps of the keyboard get slightly more loud and aggressive. 

"Please, I'm almost done with this paper." Yamaguchi called again from the other room. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and started the coffee. 

"Then you can just do it when you're done." 

"Tsukki!" 

"I'm kidding, I'm making it right now." Tsukishima dumped the grounds into the filter and poured in the water. While he waited, he sauntered over to the room where Yamaguchi was typing away on his laptop. Yamaguchi was never seen without it since the beginning of college. "What is your paper about?" 

Yamaguchi took a while to answer, he was probably finishing a sentence. "Um, it's about chemical reactions in your brain and stuff. I'm not even completely sure, I've been pulling shit out of my ass for ten pages now." 

Tsukishima smiled, "Is that so?" 

"Yes, it is quite so." Yamaguchi hadn't looked at Tsukishima once through the entire exchange. 

"Hit me with some facts." Yamaguchi chuckled and turned to look at the other 

"Spit facts?" 

Tsukishima laughed shortly and shook his head, "No, stupid, psychology facts." 

Yamaguchi smiled wider and snapped his fingers together, "Okay, let us see," he paused in between every word, "did you know that people who swear more often are more likely to be honest?" 

"I could have told you that." Tsukishima starts to pick at the frays of Yamaguchi's shirt. 

Yamaguchi swatted his hand away, "Well what's the point of me telling you facts that you already know, Tsukki?" 

"No, come on, say another." Tsukishima smiled his fake and persuasive smile. 

Yamaguchi scowls and replies, "There is a gene for negativity." 

"Oh man. I wonder if we know anybody that would have that?" 

"Mhm. Sarcasm also promotes creativity." Yamaguchi drones as he defeatedly allowed Tsukishima to rip parts of the fraying fabric from his shirt. 

"You just keep coming, now don't you?" Tsukishima said. 

"Do you wanna know something else?" Tsukishima was so slouched over concentrating on the bottom of Yamaguchi's shirt that the other boy had easy access to rest his freckled face into the crook of his neck. 

"Yeah, okay." 

"They say that romantic love is chemically indistinguishable from a type of obsessive compulsive disorder. It was a little odd to have my professor diagnose me with a mental disorder instead of an actual doctor." 

Tsukishima's face went red and he was sure that Yamaguchi could feel the heat radiating from his body. He straightened, causing Yamaguchi to move away. The smile on Yamaguchi's lips made him stare. "Yamaguchi, you can't say that." 

"Yeah. That was a little too far," Yamaguchi shut his laptop and stood up, "I don't love you _that_ much." 

The color in Tsukishima's face drained, and with a smile, he followed Yamaguchi to the kitchen. Yamaguchi poured two cups of coffee, one for him, and one for Tsukishima. Tsukishima felt fuzzy when his cup was handed to him. 

"Well I do." 

Yamaguchi flushed. He rolled his eyes and peppered kisses onto Tsukishima's cheek right before packing all of his stuff for his morning class. He clasped his bag shut and threw it over his shoulder, looking happy and satisfied and well rested. 

At the door, Yamaguchi slipped on his shoes and grabbed his keys. Right when he was about to leave, Tsukishima asked, "Why did you want to get into psychology?" 

"My mom said I am good with people." Yamaguchi didn't stop until Tsukishima made a snide remark. 

"And you believed her?" 

Yamaguchi scrunched his nose while he sported an annoyed smile. "Mmmm, fuck you." Tsukishima kissed him on the cheek. "I can't be that bad with people." 

"What make you think that?" 

"I mean, I got you to fall in love with me, didn't I?" 

Yamaguchi closed the door, leaving Tsukishima standing on the welcome mat and blown away. He had no idea that it was possible for a human being to make him so hot in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vsauce. also what the fuck is happening with the notes at the end, like i didn't put that set of notes below this one i'm so confused


	6. bite

When conversations start to repeat is the times when Yamaguchi breaks down. He swore he had the same conversation with his mother on the phone three times in a row. He swore he said goodbye in the morning to Tsukishima the same way for weeks. He's been hearing the same lecture over and over. 

He craves to see something new, he claws at his scalp until he's bleeding enough for the redness to matt up his hair and to collect under his fingernails. He is afraid of doing the same thing, he needed to sleep. If he sleeps, he wouldn't have to worry, he wouldn't have to be afraid. 

He stumbled to the bathroom and jerked the medicine cabinet open. He knocked things over, trying to see if there was anything that would make him sleep. He cursed and went to the fridge to see if there was anything that he could eat to distract him from his inevitable routine. He slammed it shut and darted his eyes around the room. 

"Yamaguchi, I brought dinner," Tsukishima's voice rang in his ears from the other hallway. Yamaguchi was suddenly all too aware of the blood running down the back of his neck and the side of his face. He was all too aware of everything that he had knocked over in his haze. His widened eyes looked to the window. He could get out. 

"Yamaguchi?" Yamaguchi flinched and stepped back, bumping into the fridge. He couldn't move, there was no space, he was trapped. He puts his hands outwards to wave them in dismissal and to assure Tsukishima and himself that _he's fine,_ but the dried blood on his hands and fingernails probably frightened the blonde male even more. Tsukishima dropped the bags in his hands onto the floor and scurried over to Yamaguchi, who pressed himself further back to the fridge. 

" _Don't touch me._ " Yamaguchi's voice was loud, shaky, and _embarrassing._ He looked to his feet for comfort instead of Tsukishima, who had one of his hands outstretched. 

"You're bleeding, what happened?" Yamaguchi was disgusted, he didn't like being talked to when he was like that. He had never had other people around whenever he started panicking like that. "Tadashi!" 

"Stop talking!" Yamaguchi had tears running out of his eyes and dropping onto the floor. He was shaking against the cold refrigerator, feeling as if his fingers were going blue. 

"Tadashi," Tsukishima said in a hush. He withdrew his hand and bent over to try and look at Yamaguchi in the eyes. Yamaguchi abruptly looked away. "Tadashi, why are you bleeding. Do we have to go to the hospital?" 

Yamaguchi shook his head violently. 

Tsukishima reached his hand out again, slowly this time. He got close to the other boy's hand and looked him in the eye. "Can I?" 

Yamaguchi nodded. 

Tsukishima led him to the bathroom slowly and gently. Once they were there, Tsukishima let go of the other's hand and turned on the faucet to the tub. He waited for the water to get hot before he looked up to Yamaguchi. 

"Do you think you can lean over the bath for me? I'm just going to get the blood out." 

Yamaguchi did as he was asked and put his head down. Tsukishima twisted the knob so that the water now streamed out of the shower head. "Okay Tadashi, it's hot, it might hurt a little bit, okay?" 

It did hurt. Just a little bit. 

Tsukishima didn't feel the need to disinfect the wounds, not because he didn't want to, but because he didn't think Yamaguchi would like to be touched at that moment. After his hair was no longer soaked with blood and after it had disappeared from his skin, Tsukishima turned the water off and handed Yamaguchi a towel. 

Yamaguchi dried his hair, looking empty and tired. He then pulled the towel around his neck so he could wash his still dirty hands. Tsukishima watched in helplessness. He stood tensely straight and alert, ready for anything that Yamaguchi could say. Yamaguchi slowly turned off the faucet and just let his hand rest on the handle. He was then reduced to more sobbing. 

Tsukishima meticulously laid his palm on Yamaguchi's upper back, but the other boy jumped anyway. He didn't want to baby Yamaguchi because he knows that the other can take care of himself, but he didn't have another way to approach it. He talked Yamaguchi into going to sleep in a very soft voice. It took a lot of persuading and a lot of patience from both ends, but Yamaguchi inevitably trudged towards the futon in which he would sleep. 

Tsukishima went back and got the things he bought for dinner and set it next to Yamaguchi where he laid in the bed. Tsukishima sat next to him cautiously. 

"I'm not an animal." Yamaguchi snaps. 

Tsukishima frowns, "I know." 

Yamaguchi starts to come to his senses and feels horrible. He shouldn't be acting like this towards Tsukishima. 

"Do you want to talk?" Yamaguchi's heart warmed at the concern and desperation in his friend's voice, but even so he shook his head to decline. Tsukishima contemplates for a moment before tilting his head, "Do you want to be alone?" 

Yamaguchi shook his head again, causing a soft smile to grace Tsukishima's features. 

"Okay." 

Tsukishima moved to get on the opposite side of the futon where he did a little bit of school work. Yamaguchi didn't want to interact with him, but he was eternally grateful that he was there, and has been there throughout his entire life. Out of his whole dinner, he only ate his fries, because everything else was cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't really feeling this chapter, but i think it still came out good


	7. time well spent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is basically the last chapter, the one going up tomorrow is an epilogue. i'm really proud of this chapter, i hope you enjoy it. this also takes place a few years after the last chapter, they have graduated college by this last chapter.

The window to their new apartment was to the right of their bed. The curtains framed the sunlight that was shining through that morning. Tsukishima is greeted rudely by the blinding sun, his vision filling with purple and green spots. He turned over to see Yamaguchi in all of his beauty, despite the drool connecting from his mouth to his pillow, despite the snoring. 

Features that Tsukishima would have otherwise deemed repulsive instead made his heart race. 

He waited there for Yamaguchi, unsure if an hour had passed or if it had been simply five minutes. Yamaguchi stirred, seeming to have the same reaction to the sun that Tsukishima had, his eyes squinting and then closing again. With his eyes still closed, he wiped the drool from his mouth before turning to lay on his stomach with his head buried in his pillow. 

"Morning Tsukki." Tsukishima couldn't really hear what was said, but he used context clues to come to a conclusion. 

"Happy Valentine's Day." 

This caused Yamaguchi to lift his head and rest it on his side. His smile was so big that it scrunched his nose and caused his eyes to squint. "You're so _cute,_ Tsukki." Yamaguchi laughed to himself, probably at the thought he had in his head, "Ah, but this is embarrassing. I thought it was tomorrow." 

Tsukishima basked in the compliment for a while before asking, "Why'd you call me cute?" 

"It's the first thing you said to me today." Yamaguchi's eyes were closed yet again, yet his smile did not falter. 

"What do you want to do today?" 

Yamaguchi hummed and scooted so that his chest was flush with Tsukishima's, his arms wrapped around the blonde's waist. "Stay here with me all day." 

"What? That's it?" Tsukishima hugged him back, pressing a kiss to the top of his forehead. 

"Everywhere is going to be crowded, Tsukki! I don't even understand why people fuss about it so much, wouldn't you want to be totally alone with the person you love?" Yamaguchi's voice was rough with sleep and there were many breaks in his words as he tried to explain. "Like, this is the best. This right here, we have it good, we are the evolved beings." 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. 

"Yamaguchi, we can't just stay like this all day. You don't really want to waste your entire day here, do you?" 

Yamaguchi huffed, Tsukishima getting a blast of warm air on his neck, "Haha, Tsukki what the fuck, why are you so jittery? I'm surprised you're against this, you have asked me to stay with you in bed all day way more than once." 

It was true, Tsukishima had asked Yamaguchi to waste his day away many, many times before. It started in high school, when Yamaguchi would stay the night on a Friday and Tsukishima would be too stubborn to let him get away the next morning. The two of them would lay in bed all day, and occasionally, Yamaguchi would play a game on his DS and allow Tsukishima to watch. This activity continued into college, whenever they had a break. 

"Besides, it's impossible to waste time with you. Time with you is time well spent." 

Tsukishima smiled. He closed his eyes and decided that Yamaguchi was right, because he didn't really want to get up that day anyway. 

He had to get up though, there was something that had to be done that day. Luckily, Yamaguchi was the one who brought it up after laying there for what felt like hours. 

"Tsukki, I'm hungry." 

"Let's get some cake." 

"Tsukki..." 

"C'mon Tadashi, let's get cake!" 

They teased each other as they got dressed into normal clothes, and they teased each other as they walked out the door. They took the train, which was filled with people standing way too close for comfort. Yamaguchi kept trying to hold Tsukishima's hand, but Tsukishima kept denying him of that just to spite him. Yamaguchi would stick his tongue out and get a few odd looks from the people around him, but the man was none the wiser. 

The store was had a reasonable amount of traffic considering the day, from people just getting groceries, to a few people doing some late shopping for their Valentine gifts. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi went to the bakery section of the store and bought a generously sized strawberry short cake. Tsukishima knew that they could have eaten a cake that would have tasted better if they went somewhere, but Yamaguchi was really adamant about staying home, so Tsukishima swallowed his pride. Tsukishima also put a few heart-shaped boxes of chocolate in the cart when Yamaguchi wasn't looking, just to have. 

Yamaguchi suggested that they should get the other a card, but not actually, because what they were really going to do was exchange cards in the store and put them back. They both had the same plan of giving the most cheesy card that they could find. It was fool proof, right up until they realized that they gave each other the same one. 

Yamaguchi glared at Tsukishima when he noticed the chocolates for the first time, but it was already too late, because the cashier was already ringing it up. There were two bags, and they each took one. "Are you sure you don't want to go anywhere?" 

"Yes, Tsukki. I'm sure. But you know what, if you want to go somewhere, we can go somewhere. That's what it seems like, is that what you want?" 

"I don't want to do it if you don't want to." Yamaguchi laughed. 

"See, this is how relationships fail. When there isn't compromise, it all crumbles apart." 

Tsukishima shrugged, "I guess you'd know all about that?" 

Yamaguchi scowled. 

The cake wasn't that good to Yamaguchi, but Tsukishima seemed to scarf it down all the same. Instead of eating at their table, they set their plates down next to them while they played some shitty console game together. It was Plants vs. Zombies. 

"Kei, oh my god, fuck you." Tsukishima had won twelve consecutive rounds. 

"No, 'oh my god' to you. I thought you had a smidgen of strategy in you, how are you so bad at this?" 

Yamaguchi collapsed in on himself more and pouted. "It's because you're always playing plants! You always have peas shooting, you could be totally unaware and win! I'm at the disadvantage here!" 

"Okay, okay, you make a good point. Here, I'll play zombies this time." 

They switched roles. Yamaguchi was still decimated by Tsukishima. Yamaguchi promptly ended the playing session, sending Tsukishima into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. They got onto the couch and watched Brain Games. Tsukishima _hated_ Brain Games, and so did Yamaguchi to an extent, but they really just wanted to watch it to shit talk it together. 

"Kei," 

Tsukishima hummed a response, not finding it particularly important enough to turn his head and look. 

"This was my most favorite Valentine's Day of my life, thank you. I love you." Tsukishima felt a kiss pressed to his cheek, but he made sure to grab the other man by the sides of his face before he fully separated. They shared a soft kiss, and then another, until they were uncomfortably smiling against the other's lips. 

"Yeah, I love you too." Tsukishima spoke low and with a little bit of a stutter. Yamaguchi laughed and tapped his index finger to his lips. 

"Actually, no wait, the best Valentine's Day I had was in our second year of high school when we had that sleepover with the volleyball club." 

"Okay— wow." 

Yamaguchi burst into laughter and waved his hands in defense, "You know that's not what I meant, Tsukki! It's not like you weren't there. It's not like you weren't trying to make out with me every chance you could—" 

"Okay! Yes, okay, don't talk about it," Yamaguchi went into another fit of laughter, his head ducking down so that Tsukishima couldn't see the smile he's so fond of. "But, um," 

The weight in Tsukishima's pocket suddenly felt like it was wearing a dent in his skin. He knew that he wanted to do it then, and he knew that if he didn't, the chance wouldn't come around again for a long time. 

"I'll try to make it a bit better then?" His voice wasn't exactly shaking yet, but he felt it down in his chest, and he felt it creeping up his throat. 

"Um, so you know, uh, do you remember that time you were talking to me about a tattoo that you wanted? You had the picture of what you wanted and everything." 

Yamaguchi nodded, he looked a little amused with the situation. 

"You said— fuck, what did you say? You were like, talking about how you were going to look at the picture everyday and set it as your lock screen so that you would get used to it and be confident about putting it on your body?" 

Yamaguchi smiled, "Um, yeah? You're so inarticulate today," 

Tsukishima ignored his remark, "Then one day it wasn't your lock screen anymore, and when I asked, you said that you got sick of it and you didn't want to have it permanently etched onto your body." 

"So, I got something, I got it a few months after we graduated from high school and I have looked at it everyday," Tsukishima paused awkwardly, not sure what he was going to say next, "and," 

"When I got it, I made sure that I looked at you everyday, too." 

Yamaguchi tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Tsukishima wiped the sweat from his palms. That was actually the _worst._

"I kept thinking about it, and it kind of shocked me a little that sometimes I'd look back at something significant I did with someone else and think about how I could have and _would_ have traded it for something different, but then I look back at all of the _stupid_ and _meaningless_ shit that I'd do with you and," Tsukishima quoted Yamaguchi from earlier that day, "I would never trade that for anything. Time with you is time well spent." 

Yamaguchi was speechless and red in the face. 

"The reason I wanted to go out and do something with you today is because I didn't want to be sitting on my couch watching fucking Brain Games when I asked you to marry me." 

Yamaguchi barely heard the passive aggressiveness in Tsukishima's voice because he was too busy crying. 

Yamaguchi covered his face with his hands and slouched over. Tsukishima wasn't sure if that was a good reaction, but he assumed that it was, so he pulled out the silver ring from his pocket. He then awkwardly pat Yamaguchi's back. 

"Man, I sure hope you're not pranking me, that would be a dick move." Yamaguchi's voice was shaky and almost an octave higher than usual. He wiped his tears away with vigor and tried to compose himself. 

"Nope. I would never." 

Yamaguchi's face was an entirely new shade of red. It was almost like he created a whole other photoreceptor in the eye and allowed Tsukishima to see a new unseen fucking color. "What— What the fuck, Kei, you bought that ring after high school? How did you pay for it?" 

"Installments." 

"Oh my god, what the fuck— okay so? You have wanted to marry me since high school?" 

It was Tsukishima's turn to go red from embarrassment. Maybe he shouldn't have said as much as he did. "Whatever!" He stuttered at the beginning of the word and his voice cracked in the middle. 

"So are we?" 

"What?" 

"Are we getting married?" 

"Fuck, Tadashi, I don't know, you haven't said yes yet!" 

Yamaguchi laughed so beautifully. He had no clue that he had more tears falling down his face again. " _Yes!_ " 

"Okay take the ring, I don't want to put it on you, that's too intimate, I don't feel like having a heart attack today." Tsukishima gave the ring to Yamaguchi, who was honestly puzzled by this train of thought. He slipped the ring on his ring finger anyways, and tackled Tsukishima. 

"Tsukki! Take my name, take my name!" 

" _No,_ Yamaguchi Kei sounds so stupid." 

"Well Tsukishima Tadashi doesn't sound much better now does it?" 

"Fuck off, you wouldn't be able to use your nickname for me if I took your name." 

"You like it!" 

"I do not!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so first, i'm so sorry that i made them play a game as shitty as plants vs zombies, my brother has been playing it a lot lately and it has been consuming his life, i'm afraid for him. second, thank you so much for reading this, it means so much to me, even if only a few of you have been reading it. i love this chapter and i'm just really proud of this whole thing, it has really made me a better writer. and third, i'm sorry about the lateness, i cranked this chapter out in only a few hours but i feel like it's the best one i have done so far. thanks again^^


	8. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, okay. sorry for having this 5 days late. i was really adamant about having this whole thing end on the 15th because then it would have marked the one year anniversary of my first fic that i ever wrote, which i encourage you NOT to read. but i don't really have a valid excuse other than i was lazy, and i'm so sorry. but it's here now, enjoy!

Tsukishima Kei gets startled by his alarm. He has an extremely early job interview that he has to go to today. He tries to pretend that he doesn't hear it by just staring at the ceiling. 

He doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to get up, he wants to stay with Yamaguchi, but when he looks to the side, he isn't there. 

He didn't get back? 

Tsukishima looks to the window where the translucent curtains reveal how dark it is outside. Tsukishima wasn't sure why he is surprised, it was five in the morning, and the weather hasn't been _great_ lately. He reaches over and turns the digital clock off, then returns to his previous position. After psyching himself up for way longer than needed, he sat up and threw his legs down to the floor. 

The cold floor sends shockwaves through his body when his feet came into contact with it. He ambles towards the bathroom to brush his teeth and to make himself appear approachable. He walks back to his bed to pick up his glasses. 

He really wants this job. Well, he doesn't want it so much as he _needs_ it. Yamaguchi has been stressing over the boring desk job that he has, Tsukishima doesn't even want to think about how difficult dealing with a repetitive occupation like that would be for his lover. Tsukishima has been trying for every job that he could, but none were biting. His resume was impressive, he had a full ride for college because of his intelligence, and he participated in a few clubs here and there. However, he didn't do much with the community, and his degree was mostly useless for every job that he applied for, so there were and equal amount of reasons why he was rejected. In recent years, more and more people have been turning out to be intelligent _and_ social. The full package. It was something that he couldn't compete with. 

That aspect of being harsh and unsociable has been changing for the better recently, even if it has been against his choice. On good days, Yamaguchi would encourage Tsukishima to put himself out there more, and on bad days, Tsukishima would fight to keep the conversation going because he was afraid of what Yamaguchi would do in silence. It was always the other way around, but now Tsukishima knows how it feels to talk to a wall, and he felt horrible for Yamaguchi who has been doing it for him all of these years. Talking so often for Tsukishima was physically and mentally exhausting. It was something about their relationship that Tsukishima really liked, he liked that he could be silent with the other. It's a rare feat in the more recent days. 

There was pity. Some nights, Yamaguchi would come home with puffy eyes from either tears or weed. He'd come home with wide, veiny, and fidgety eyes, he'd come home with nails bitten down to the skin, he'd come home with flakes of flesh falling from his chapped lips. Tsukishima pitied him because of all the strain, and he pitied him because it affected him so much. 

But he was the one without a job. 

There was pity on both ends. Yamaguchi was supporting the two of them by himself, and Tsukishima was going from interview to interview. The only thing that Tsukishima has done for money is substitute teaching at high schools, which wasn't something that he wanted to do that frequently. They needed the money fast. They have to make a lot of sacrifices to get by with living how they're living. They shower at the same time, they never turn on the lights, they order a large pizza on Monday and ration it amongst themselves until Friday. 

Tsukishima got dressed into a dress shirt and tie. He pops some bread into the toaster for breakfast, he doesn't bother to put any butter or jam on it when it was done. 

"Shit." 

He should have brushed his teeth after he ate. He decided not to risk it, so he did it again. Nowhere in the house did he find his Yamaguchi, and it bewilders him because the man never goes to work that early in the morning. The fridge did look a little empty, so he could have possibly just went out grocery shopping. 

Tsukishima finds a note on the counter next to the fridge after brushing his teeth for the second time. It was addressed to him and written by Yamaguchi, who had put the date next to his signed name. Tsukishima always thought that it was funny that the other would continue to date all of his written documents after school had already ended, but he supposes that it is still just as useful. Tsukishima missed the note from the day before, because the date wasn't the current one. 

The other morning, Tsukishima had to deliver something to Yachi. She lived within walking distance of the apartment that Tsukishima and Yamaguchi inhabited, so he didn't take the car as to save gas. Also because he couldn't find his keys in the first place. He did the deed before Yamaguchi awoke, but when he got back, the door was locked. Tsukishima got in using the spare key under the doormat and went to sleep for the rest of the day. 

He only just thought of the possibility that something wasn't right. He read the note. 

_“ it's cold outside._  
i left your keys by the stove, i would have given them to you, but when i woke up this morning, you weren't there.  
i think you had something to tell me,  
but i'm sorry,  
i can't wait for you at the train today. ” 

Tsukishima doesn't smile this time. He frowns, because he knew that he couldn't have been at the train in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never like to say how i think a chapter turned out before you read it because it plants unoriginal thoughts in your mind that influence what your judgement would have been had you read it without the second opinion. if i ever do, it's a positive opinion ;p. however, i really have to say that i'm sorry that i made any of you wait for this. not because it's bad, i like this one more than some of the other chapters, but it was meant to be systematically unsatisfying. i know it's weird to say but i love frustratingly ambiguous endings. it seems like a cop-out, but i have seriously had this epilogue planned since before even writing the first chapter. the very first haikyuu fic i have ever read ended with an ambiguous epilogue, and i was frustrated for a while, but then i re-read it and i loved it so much? it was sad because the author was pressured into making a sequel. i guess i wanted to do something like that. i'm not sure that i pulled it off successfully but i'm still proud that i stuck with this and finished it.
> 
> writing this has improved the way i word things a lot. it's not even close to where i want it to be, but after reading something i was working on before this, i'm satisfied with where i am at currently. i had this tsukishima/yamaguchi/kageyama love triangle thing that i was writing about and after reading what i had yesterday, i completely scrapped it because of how unusable it was. i wrote down some snippets and quotes that weren't fucking terrible, and got rid of the rest. i might still use the idea, because it did have some potential under all of the bullshit, but if i do, there will be some changes.
> 
> i guess i'm saying that if you feel like becoming a writer as a hobby or a career or w/e, you should consider writing everyday. you don't have to post it, but it can really help the development of your style. ultimately, this whole thing was an exercise that i felt like sharing because i'm proud of it. if you're frustrated by the ending, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to disappoint anyone. thank you for reading this far, and thanks to those who have stuck with this since the beginning. <3

**Author's Note:**

> this will update once a day until feb 15. i have some of the chapters on a backburner. thanks for reading.


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